Jordan and I had come back to the hospital to say goodnight to the babies. it was 7:20 when we got here so we were sitting in the waiting room until 7:30 (nobody can go back during shift change). as we were sitting in the completely empty waiting room, a older man comes in, picks up the phone and asked for his daughter to come out and talk to him. once he gets off the phone he comes and sits down right next to me. in my head, I was thinking seriously? all these chairs and you’re going to sit right on top of me. he looks at me and says “this might sound weird, but God told me to talk to you… do you have babies in the NICU?” I said yes, sir I do. he responded, a boy and a girl right? by this time I’m looking pretty confused and said yes sir. he then says and this is your sister, right? again, yes sir, I can only imagine the look on my face. he then says “how do I know these things? God, talks to me and I just want you to know that He’s not going to leave you. remember to pray without ceasing. He hears you.” by this time, I’m speechless. did this actually happen? his daughter comes out of the NICU and he introduces us- she’s a nurse in the back. although, Jordan nor I have never seen her.. they told us good bye, and that they would be praying for our sweet babies.

after they left, the look on my face and Jordan’s was priceless. I thought for a second they’ve had to overheard us talking but I’ve never seen either one of them before. God sent me a message through someone else. He was letting me know that, He’s standing next to me through this storm in my life. that I needed to let go of my fears and worries and lay them at His feet. I needed to fully trust in him. cause, I’m going to be honest- it is so hard. I do believe God is in full control of our situation and our babies are in the best hands possible. however, it is so hard to leave all the emotions at His feet and not worry. the older man, also told me to keep praying. “pray without ceasing”.

if you’re going through a hard time in your life and you find yourself in the middle of a storm, remember God is standing next to you and He will not leave you. lean on Him, trust in Him, and pray- pray hard.

1. Hold onto your faith. your faith is the only thing that is steady ground when you’re in here. pray, cling to our God, and trust in Him.
2. ask questions! don’t be afraid to “insult” them. ask them questions, if you don’t understand something ask. have them repeat things to you etc. ask for other opinions from different doctors. especially ask the side effects of medication.
3. it’s an up and down, hour by hour experience. there are going to be good days and there are going to be bad day. celebrate every victory, even the small ones.
4. lean onto your support system. if people send you things, be grateful. Levi and I were both raised not to take handouts and to work hard for what you have so it was hard for us to expect money, gifts and help. my father in law told me something that has stuck with me “don’t deny a blessing from someone cause it takes away their blessing of giving” if someone wants to help out, let them.
5. make good relationships with the nursing/medical staff. they become part of your family. they’re the ones there 24/7 with your little ones.
6. love your spouse. hold each other. spend some alone time together. pray together. hold on together.
7. self care. you cannot pour from an empty cup. try to get some sleep, eat good food, and drink water. I didn’t do all those things and almost had to get readmitted into the hospital.
8. take lots of pictures. read books to your little ones. spend time with them. touch them. hold them (if able). they know you’re presence and it truly makes a difference.

we were discharged this afternoon and had to be out by 7pm. as we were leaving our room and heading up to see the babies to tuck them in for the night, we were stopped by the doctor on call (doctor Russo). both of our babies had bleeding on the brain. Hadlee’s was a stage 4 (the worst) and Brodee went from a stage 2 to a stage 4 hemorrhage. the doctor told us not to go far because things did not look good for Brodee bug. my heart has never felt so heavy. all I could was cry. i was begging God to save him and to keep Hadlee safe. those were our babies, our innocent little babies, why? I didn’t understand. we were up all night, waiting. we were given a sleep room that was on the hall next to the NICU, I went to lay down for a little while.

I was alone in this room with my brain that was running at 100 mph. I was crying, praying, begging God not to take my babies away. asking him to please heal them. Ive never felt so helpless and sick in my entire life.

it was finally morning and we had to talk to the new doctor on the floor, dr. rentz. he gave us the most devastating news I’ve ever received in my entire life. he told us that he did not think Brodee would make it through the day and that we need to make some decisions about his care. my heart just broke, I couldn’t even breath. the room was closing in on me and I felt completely helpless.

we had to make really hard decisions as parents, dr. rentz suggested that we sign a DNR because if they had to preform CPR on him that it would hurt him even more and that it probably wouldn’t work anyway. they took Levi and I to a room in the back and gave us some space to be able to talk about the decisions, and we need to decide within the next 20 or so minutes. it was the hardest conversation Levi and I had to have as a couple and now brand new parents. we both just held each other crying. we prayed, asking God to save our precious baby boy and to keep our baby girl stable. we didn’t understand. I wish I could say that I didn’t get angry but I did. I was so mad, I was mad at God. I didn’t know what we had done to deserve this. why our babies had to go through this. I was questioning Him, questioning His purpose, questioning why He did this to us. all I felt was pain.

after we made our decision to sign the DNR and made some other decisions the rest of the day was blur. I felt so weak, I felt like a failure. I sat in the room in silence for hours. just waiting, waiting on something. I kept praying, our families were praying, we had prayer warriors across the country praying. I know when people looked at me that they didn’t see me, they saw emptiness.

again, I have to praise my husband. although, he was dealing with the same things I was and he was feeling the same emotions I was, he pulled it together to ask questions and to be my steady ground. we kept praying, holding on to our faith. our God is a good God, we held onto that. we knew He could heal them and that was what we kept praying for.

xo.

This block of time was a complete blur for me. I was still in the hospital trying to recover from my surgery. we had tons of support and love shown to us over these days and the days that followed. God really blessed us with a great support system and community. people gave flowers, money, food but most importantly prayers.

the babies were stable during these days will minor issues. Hadlee bug loves to snuggle and Brodee bug loves to stretch out.

Levi was wonderful during this time, he helped me so much. I couldn’t even get out of bed without help. he was so strong although, we both felt like we were drowning. my family has been amazing during this situation they have stood by our side since day 1. we truly have good support system. our families and friends really stepped up and took care of us in our time of need. God has been good to us.

xo.

I’m gonna see a victory.
For the battle belongs to you Lord

August 2 changed our lives forever. it was supposed to be a happy easy Friday since it was Levi’s birthday. Instead, we were rushed to the Harris hospital to find out that our twins were coming. and they were coming now… at only 24 weeks. the night prior was a rough night, I was up all night having pain in my lower abdomen. Levi called the OB on call and we were told it was “fine” since there was no blood, its just Braxton hicks. no big deal. at 7:45am there was blood. we jumped in the car and headed across the mountain. once we got there they hooked me up to check babies heart rates- both babies sounded great high 150s for both. they were fixing to send us home, but before wanted to do a vaginal check. thank God they did, I was dilated to 10 cm and baby girl was coming. before I could even wrap my mind around what was going on, I was being stuck with needles, shots, etc. you could feel the panic in the room. EMTs shortly filled the room and I was being transported to mission hospital. we made it from Harris to mission in 34 minutes.

once we arrived at mission hospital we were taken into a room full of doctors, nurses and other medical professionals. we were given 3 options and were given 5 minutes to make a decision that was going to forever change our entire lives. option 1- have a normal c section that would only save possibly one of our babies. option 2- do nothing and let nature take its course. that would “hopefully” save baby boy. option 3- have an “old school c section” that would possible save everyone but the chances are slim. they were convinced that baby girl was not going to make it no matter what we decided and baby boy didn’t look promising either. Levi told the doctor to do whatever needed to be done to save his wife and two children. seconds later, I was in the operating room. I went to sleep not knowing whether I was going to wake up with two babies, one baby or no babies. all I could do was pray.

Brodee Daniel and Hadlee Maple were born at 11:49 am, August 2, 2019. both came out with strong heart beats and did not need CPR. which is extremely rare for their gestational ages. they were then taken by the NICU team.

I was taken to recovery at 1:00pm still out from the surgery. once I was awake, Levi told me that both of our babies made it. I couldn’t even find the words, I just started crying. thanking God for taking care of my babies. I was in recovery for 7 hours. however, around 5pm I was taken upstairs in my hospital bed to meet my babies for the first time. they were so little but so prefect. I just wanted to pick them up and love on them.

Levi was a rockstar, seriously. he took care of everything the first couple of days. he stood by my side and when he wasn’t next to mine he was with the blueberries. he asked questions, made sure we were all taken care of. God truly blessed me with an amazing husband and now father of our babies. God was present the whole time. Yes we were in full panic with tons of questions and extremely overwhelmed but God was there. He took care of my babies and I. He saved us.

Although, we don’t understand and we don’t know why this happened, we do know God is in control. We know that there is a purpose for this situation. We may not clearly see it now, but we will.

xo.

We’re Levi and Taylor Wilson, we have two little babies who were born at 24 weeks. Brodee Daniel and Hadlee Maple. They are the most beautiful, most strong little blueberries. we are currently in NICU and will be here for several months. we also have two weenie dogs, Winston & Gus and one chocolate lab, Duke.

We love God and we fully trust in Him. our faith is what is keeping us going. we fully trust that He is in completely in charge of our lives and He is taking care of our sweet little babies. God is so good. all the time God is good.

I started this blog to keep track of our journey, and to share our experiences along the way.

thanks for keeping up with the Wilson. xo